That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups