dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?