His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.