Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
