so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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