but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
