In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
