Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
