I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
