You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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