go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
