My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
