nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
