Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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