the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
