She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize