so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize