Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
