I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
time to smoke my breakfast
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
