so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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