shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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