Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
