how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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