so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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