I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
