My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
