so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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