My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
