Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
