Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Houston, we have a blender
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
