She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
