Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
