Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This house was built for laser tag.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
