tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
