remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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