Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
