I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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