some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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