i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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