Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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