cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
