My friends, they love my intelligence
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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