man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
