I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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