I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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