Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
