Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
