the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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