I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
