Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
