He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
