i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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