It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
