She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
