Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
