I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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