there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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