Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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