After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
