And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
