I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
