zippers are such a cool invention
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize