Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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